VISIBLE

Isolation Poem Collection

Poetry written since the beginning of quarantine. A series of my thoughts on loneliness, isolation, and motivation.

as events are canceled
we have to find more creative ways
to spend our seemingly never ending days
they drag on and on hours passing by like weeks
with a lack of motivation I cannot wait
for the specific time and date
20 minutes over the phone
friends and family trapped inside
are now able to come out and thrive
in these few moments we joke and laugh
the screens reflecting our emotions
there is an awkwardness unlike anything in everyday life but we enjoy these cherished moments of socialization they sustain us and motivate us
we soldier on
without answers
but with friends and family by our sides

the end is near
freedom looms close by

but still out of reach
like the next branch on a tree
that makes you realize you can’t climb any higher just a few more steps
a few more assignments
a few more painful days
typing until your fingers are raw
and your wrists tighten up
just to finish out the shamble of a semester strong one more month
one more week
one more day
one more hour
one more minute
you tell yourself
as you struggle to make it
to the page with the big blinking submit button begging to be pushed
so close to that sweet relief of summer
or whatever this complicated time may bring
the sense of structure will be gone
yes
but so much more time will be available
to you and only you

to create new hobbies and new stories new adventures and friendships
it all lies on the cusp of a few more weeks ending with the dreaded “f word”
finals
but soon to be followed
by a beloved “f word”
freedom.

A beautiful realization I have come upon
after many unhappy hours
and more adjustments in lifestyle then I could count
I have recognized
that this will most likely be my last hurrah at home
for the rest of my life, I will never again have months like this only 3 short summer months if even that back home
among the cool beach breeze
in my small town where you can’t hear cars or helicopters
just the waves and the seagulls
I will never again have so much time with my dogs
with my mom, dad, and brother or my wonderful grandparents I will be bound to DC and then after to the world
So instead of focusing on the evils of quarantine
I must remember that there will never be a time

of family movies, game nights, and dinners like this for as long as I live
Until I create my own family
and even then it won’t be the same

so I will cherish in these moments and enjoy them for what they are
in the present

everyone staring blankly at one another
girls I’ve never seen peer through their cameras
or chat about their cats
its doesn’t start on time
which is to be expected
but that just means more awkward pseudo-eye contact
who would have thought this would be our form of communication the way we connect and spread ideas
have our senior send-off and formal
still connecting
but it seems distant

It was unexpected
not the one we anticipated

not the one we dreamed of
yearned for or maybe wished would never come certainly not the one we deserved
happening so abruptly
forcing us all the adapt and scramble
like never before
having to reinvent the structure
we were all so dependent on
becoming more comfortable with ones self
and less so with ones’ ability
realizing there were no goodbyes
no “lasts” we saw coming
only those we didn’t know were happening regardless of what we know now
we cannot change the past and
even here I write my last
the end of the school year
creeped up giving us no time to fear
but we must accept that of which is here

turning on the tv
when the work is still looming increasing the volume

to tune out the thoughts
of the essays that beckon you to finish they still whisper in the back of your mind you feel boredom
even with plenty to do
you fill up on snacks and social media making for a sleepy and foggy day
at the end you are again faced
with the problem
of the missing assignments
the solution in hand
but the willpower lacking

Finally being productive after what feels like 3 weeks Waking up early
following the schedule I’ve set for myself
getting things done

turning in assignments
the motivation is back
but how long will it last
I hope it will carry me through this next month
with papers, podcasts, and monologues piling up as we speak but I am doubtful

Perhaps I will fall back into the same trap of laziness of sadness
of unproductiveness
just sitting in bed staring at the ceiling

but I will try my best
to keep it together
because nothing feels as good
as having a semblance of keeping it together.

No longer can I be myself
I have to hide certain parts of my personality From everyone else
No more carefree demeanor
And a “say-what-comes-to-mind” attitude
Now closely monitoring
My thoughts
My actions
myself
Fading away and forgetting what I love most Trying to conform to the small town way of life My parents ideals
My highschool friends’ preconceived notions

The person I was in lower school In middle school
And even in high school
That they still see me as

The headband wearing Bracefaced gawky little girl Uncomfortable and shy And not who I really am Slowly losing myself

On the quest to appease Those that don’t know The real me

Kaitlyn Hamer

Kaitlyn Hamer

I’m a freshman at AU and on the social media team for Visible. I’m from a small beach town in Delaware. I am really interested in all types of creative expression. I love fashion, theater, film, and especially live music. I am looking really forward to being in DC and having the privilege of going to artistic LBGTQ events and becoming more active in that culture. In the past, I wasn’t in an environment where I was able to safely express my bisexuality, so I am really happy to not only be in a safe environment now, but also have a platform to discuss LGBTQ identities.

Pronouns: she, her, hers

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